Belief in God

January 18, 2011 at 8:10 am | Posted in Faith, Let's Talk Life... | 5 Comments

Believing in an invisible God who more often than not chooses to work through the natural as opposed to the supernatural is one of the greatest acts of faith that God asks of us in this scientific age.

(Edit: Please know that this was not written in bitterness. It’s not really that I question the existence of God, but more that I question his methods.)

I might even argue that it is the hardest thing to ask people to believe in. For once you believe that God does in fact exist, it is easy enough to believe that he would send a son to earth, love us, or even die for us. If he exists, he can be and do anything, he’s God after all. So if he exists of course he could send his son to earth, love us and die for us.

It is the solid, beyond a doubt, no way to deny it, proof of his existence that so often infuriates me (and I feel most likely other Christians as well.)

For if he exists, then he deserves our everything and it would be beyond foolish for anyone to not worship, trust, and follow hard after him. However, more often than not, we pray for days on end for God to move, and for all we can see, he doesn’t. Morning after morning, we ask for direct guidance from him and save for the very rare occasion when God chooses to use an audible voice or send down a fiery angel (neither an event which I have experienced personally), we receive no clear answer. Quiet time after quiet time, we pour diligently through scripture asking that it’s words might come alive to us, and usually we just look at it and scratch our heads and then figure out what seems to make logical sense to us, a conclusion that we probably could have come to on our own with out divine revelation from God.

And so I ask, like so many doubting Thomas’ before me, why oh Lord do you choose to work through natural means, why do you remain silent and distant even from the open and seeking heart? Why would you at most whisper at those you seek a deep relationship with, those who honestly are seeking that relationship as well?

It is enough to make those of lesser faith and lesser determination doubt your very existence, so why do you test those who remain faithful like this?

It’s infuriating.

What are your thoughts on the subject? What have you learned or seen that keeps your faith strong despite the silence?

I am not looking for logical, patented Sunday school answers here (I can recite those myself and more often than not, these answers are given to shut-up rather than cultivate or further the discussion and often don’t really satisfy the asker’s questions), I want you to wrestle with it deep down. I want you to ask yourself why you believe what you believe and why God seems so silent sometimes. If he wants a deep personal relationship with each of us, why doesn’t he speak up when we call out to him?

(I am sorry if it appears to some as if I am pushing people into doubt and disbelief, that is not my intent. I simply feel that unless you have asked yourself these questions honestly and struggled with them openly instead of shrugging them off or trivializing them, then I don’t think you can have a deep faith or a real profound trust and belief in God, let alone a relationship with him.)


A Whole New World

December 3, 2010 at 4:00 am | Posted in Updates On My Fantasy Novel, Writing | 1 Comment

Don’t worry noble readers, this is not a nostalgic post about ’90s era Disney movies. This is a post about fantasy writing, and why it is so damn hard.

Last week, when I decided to start taking writing seriously again, my first task was to decide what to focus my writing time on. I have quite a few projects at different stages varying from not finished to barely begun. ( I actually have projects that I am excited about that are just a title scribbled on notebook paper.)

Despite having two scripts that are in the not finished pile as opposed to the barely begun, I chose to focus my efforts on my pet project, my behemoth. It’s the project that I always set aside in favor of less ambitious projects, yet always return to, because, quite honestly, all my best ideas go into it.

The project is an epic fantasy novel that I started in 2004 and have been putting off writing ever since. I have a lot of material collected for the project and about 50 pages written, but I have never jumped head long into writing it, mainly because the project was always too daunting.

You see, I believe fantasy (and to a lesser extent sci-fi) is the hardest genre to write.

Why, you ask? Because in fantasy, you aren’t just creating characters and events and placing them into the world, you’re creating the world! Continue Reading A Whole New World…

‘Til Daybreak Comes

November 19, 2010 at 2:41 am | Posted in Writing | Leave a comment

Have you ever worked on a project for so long that by the time you finished it, the mere mention of its name was enough to make you want to hurl?

For me, ‘Til Daybreak Comes was that project. Its a script that I started last Christmas while I was up in Montana. I finally finished the first draft in May and promptly set it aside as a smoking pile of dog sh*t unworthy of any further development on my part.

To be honest I had lost so much interest in the project by that point, that I probably would not have finished it had I not A) been determined to finish another script, any script and B) lost half the project when my computer was stolen in February and rewritten it from memory (I mean at that point you have to finish it). Continue Reading ‘Til Daybreak Comes…

The Walking Dead

November 16, 2010 at 3:50 am | Posted in Let's Talk Life... | Leave a comment

What do you do when you are stuck in a situation where despite your best efforts to stay positive, every day is an emotional and physical drain? Let’s say that the job isn’t even what you want to do. At what point is getting a pay check every month not enough of a reason to stay at a job? What do you do, when your boss routinely takes advantage of you and your skills and gives you nothing in return?

This is the situation I now find myself in. As you might imagine. I am often frustrated and find it very hard to get motivated at work. I’m not looking for excuses though, and I am not looking for pity. Was I at one point? Yes. Have I been depressed, frustrated and antisocial these last few months as a result? Definitely.

However, something changed this weekend. I went for a walk. This is something that I do on a fairly regular basis. I don’t do it for exercise, and a very rarely achieve anything of substance out of it. I walk to try to sort things out (Which rarely happens). I often pray while I’m walking, though my ADD nature often makes it difficult to stay on task and my mind often wonders (As it has right now).

Anyway, I was thinking about my job on this particular walk and the state that it had put me in. (For those that do not know, my job is not in the field I am passionate about and will not help me get where I want to go at all. Its just a job.) I determined while walking, that I was no longer going to allow my job to get me down. That I was not going to let my job define me. That I was going to inexhaustibly focus my efforts on achieving my goals outside of work.

Now when I went on this walk, it was the weekend. I had just had three days (I had Friday off as well) of hiatus from working at my job and was feeling rejuvenated and determined to have success with my new found optimism.

I set about creating this blog. I worked on the script I have been writing. I limited the time I waste on things that get me nowhere, and I took the time to wake up earlier Monday morning to pray and meditate (thus putting me in a better place to start the week.) I was all set to start the new me off with a bang!

I had not, however, counted on work. It’s like I completely forgot about it. The long weekend had blurred my memory to the depressive power that is my place of employment.

When I got in at 9:30, it started right away. I was bombarded with tasks that should have been above my pay grade, but fall to me, because there is no one above my pay grade in the media department. I slogged through the mess until lunch time (which I took late as a result of a meeting that went on too long) and then got a 30 minute reprieve (yes, even our lunches are ridiculously short). Then the afternoon came and I had to worry about a whole new set of problems before finally calling it a day at around 6:00 pm.

I hopped in my car to go home, and I realized that all of the negativity, all of the depression, all of the frustration that I had just spent all weekend defeating, was back with a vengeance. My best efforts were no match for the steady friction intent on my demise.

Which leads to this blog post. How do you separate yourself from work. How do find time for your passions in your spare time, when by the time you get off work at night, your job has sucked all the passion out of you?

As I got into my car to come home, I was reminded why I blindly surf the internet at night with a glazed over look. Why I turn on the TV and watch shows that I don’t even care about. Why I can’t be bothered to make dinner or clean my apartment. The job sucks the life out of me and when I get home, there’s nothing left to put towards my own work.

It is a frustrating place to be in, and I don’t have any answers, not yet. If I find some, I’ll definitely be sharing them. I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that things can not stay the way they are if I am going to move forward. If you are stuck in a similar position, I feel for you. I hope you can find your drive to achieve again. I hope you can separate yourself from your work. Because if not, if we let our jobs consume us, we are the walking dead.



Don't let your job turn you into this!

Cliff Lee: To sign or not to sign?

November 14, 2010 at 4:18 am | Posted in Sports | 1 Comment

Should the Texas Rangers go toe-to-toe with the Yankees to sign Cliff Lee? As much as I would like to have Lee back, I am not sure that signing him is the best thing for the long term future of this team.

Obviously, Texas never makes it to the World Series without Lee. He is also head and shoulders above any other free agent pitcher on the market.

However, there are just so many things about this potential deal that make me very wary. First, the most obvious problem, age. Lee most likely has two or three more elite level years before we start to see a major drop off in productivity. Are those three years at the top worth paying a player for three more years of middling to slightly plus pitching (assuming he’s healthy)? Assuming that he has a steep drop off after year four, then you basically have the same problem the Yankees had this year, where they have a lot of over payed one time elite players who no longer live up to their former greatness.

The big difference is that the Yankees have the payroll to be able to continue to sign these kind of contracts and not blink. Texas does not share that luxury.

The Alex Rodriguez fiasco is still fresh enough in most Ranger fans minds to make them at least hesitate for a second before jumping in head first. Which isn’t to say that Lee is Rodriguez. A-Rod never took Texas to the World Series, or even the playoffs for that matter. Lee also does not seem to have the ego that A-Rod suffers from. His competitive nature is also contagious and was very advantageous to have around all of our young pitchers. My guess is that even if things went very poorly for Lee, we would not view the signing with as much disgust as we do the A-Rod deal, but that does not mean that it doesn’t serve as a cautionary tale in the minds of Rangers faithful everywhere.

Finally, what about all our young pitching? Is it possible that we don’t need Cliff Lee next year as much as we needed him this year? Derek Holland and Tommy Hunter both have another year of big league experience behind them now. Martin Perez and Tanner Scheppers are both inching closer to the big leagues. Is it not possible that Holland might turn out to be next year’s David Price? That is, a talented young pitcher who came out of the bullpen in their first playoffs only to mature into a staff ace the following season. Granted, none of these pitchers are Cliff Lee yet, and most likely Perez and Scheppers a still a year or two away from contributing in a meaningful manner in the postseason, but that’s not my point.

My point being, when you compare the dollars, the upside, the potential drop off in performance, the other free agents that Texas would be unable to afford should they sign Lee and the progress made by the potential aces waiting in the wings in the Rangers farm system, I find it very difficult to justify throwing the bank at Lee.

If they do sign him, I’ll be thrilled, obviously. There’s only three or four pitchers of his caliber in the entire league. I just don’t want to see use mortgage this young teams future for a chance at Lee.  I won’t be completely disappointed if we don’t land him. We may not be as bad off without him as the national pundits would have you believe.

If it quacks like a blog…

November 12, 2010 at 10:53 pm | Posted in Welcome - First Post | Leave a comment

So this is my blog.

Do I know why I started it, or what the focus is? Well…probably not. I know it most likely will not be about barbies, manic-depressive zombies and fruit turn-over recipes (that actually sounds kind of yummy!).

I would like to use this as a place to “publish” (Haha, like anyone besides my parents will ever read this…Hi, Mom!) short stories that I write. I would also like to use this as a platform to rail against the insane, uninformed and obviously dead wrong view points that in anyway shape or form differ even a millimeter from my own. (Not really, though I don’t mind saying what I think on matters, I know all to well that I am more than likely dead wrong and you insane, uninformed individuals know more than I do.)

I will also attempt to speak my mind on any topic that I am interested in, be it sports, films, video games, girls (yeah, right like I know anything about girls), writing, and editing.

I may even let a guest blogger share a short story of their own, or just plug their blog outright.

So hang on. It’s going to be a fun journey. I’ll do my best to update it at least once a week.

Finally, one last word to the wise. Don’t be surprised if I ramble. I can’t always even keep it all straight in my head, what makes you think I would do better in print!?! And don’t worry about spelling errors. It isn’t me, after I finish, an evil alien looking to destroy all that is right and good in the universe comes through and brutally rapes the English language while we are all sleeping. You have been warned!

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