The Perfect Sinner: Why I’m Done Pursuing the Cult of Perfectionism

March 30, 2012 at 12:00 am | Posted in Faith, Let's Talk Life... | 8 Comments

Romans 3:20 "Therefore no one will be declared  righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin."

I’m tired.

I’m tired of letting myself fall for the lies of “Christian” Perfectionism.

I’m tired of Christians who are so concerned about blotting out all sin (and all sinners) from the church that they exclude the very people who are desperately in need of a savior. When I see this, I’m almost tempted to ask myself why Jesus had to die in the first place if we were just going to eliminate all sin on our own and negate any need for a savior at all!

I’m tired of people holding Christians to a standard of perfectionism that they can never hope to achieve and then writing off faith in God when his children ultimately fail to live up to their lofty expectations. It’s ridiculous! There must a thousand journalists with their hands on their keyboards anxiously waiting to catch Tim Tebow doing something unChristian so they can crucify him for it.

I’m tired of all of it.

Philippians 3:12aMainly though, I’m tired of trying to be perfect myself.  I’m tired of failing at that and then after failing, trying desperately to cover up my failings before someone notices and calls me out on my imperfection.

When did Christianity start being about us trying to outdo each other in Godliness? When did it stop being about grace, about mercy, about sinners falling on their knees at the foot of the cross and staring in awestruck wonder at the salvation they had no business deserving yet none the less received?

I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, we as Christians started worshiping perfection and on the flip side destroying all who strove to achieve it and ultimately failed. Continue Reading The Perfect Sinner: Why I’m Done Pursuing the Cult of Perfectionism…

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Tough Love: How My Parents Taught Me To Love The Things I Hated Most

March 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm | Posted in Faith, Let's Talk Life... | 1 Comment
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In honor of my dad’s birthday tomorrow, I thought I would write a post about my parents and dedicate it to my dad.

Maturing, becoming an adult, is an interesting process. It has a way of making me look back on my childhood and see things very differently from how I viewed them in the moment. It has given me perspective and allowed me to come to one of my more shocking conclusions.

Almost all the things that my parent’s made me do as a kid that I hated doing, things that I found “unfun” or not worth my while, have now become some of the most important parts of who I am and the things I am most grateful that they made me do!

My parents are good parents, kick-ass parents (sorry mom, I promise I won’t swear in this post again!), and apparently, they are far wiser than I was as an impressionable youth. They knew what I needed, even though I had yet to figure it out for myself.

Here’s what I mean: Continue Reading Tough Love: How My Parents Taught Me To Love The Things I Hated Most…

Back and Better Than Ever!

February 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm | Posted in Let's Talk Life... | Leave a comment

I figure after half a year of no posts and almost a full year since I really did anything close to resembling regular posts, you have probably rightly assumed that this is one of the millions of fad blogs that pop up every year and quickly disappear…you might be right.

So believe me, I understand your skepticism when I say that I’m back and I plan on staying, but I have a good reason!

Monday Monday

Here is a random picture that has nothing to do with anything, but wordpress said was relevant to my post. (Photo credit: soonerpa)

You see, it has been a crazy year. I finally got a half-way decent job in the entertainment industry. I made big inroads on my novel only to crash and burn as the rigors of my new job started to take there toll. I continued to delve into my strengths and weaknesses and discover more and more that I am not what my grandiose ideas about myself might incline me to believe. I took a sizable step forward in my relationship with God then, only weeks later let everything I thought I’d learned and all the discipline I thought I had instilled into my life evaporate for no good reason. I also, thought I was moving for the first time towards pursuing a serious relationship only to have it all fizzle up before it ever began. Continue Reading Back and Better Than Ever!…

Belief in God

January 18, 2011 at 8:10 am | Posted in Faith, Let's Talk Life... | 5 Comments

Believing in an invisible God who more often than not chooses to work through the natural as opposed to the supernatural is one of the greatest acts of faith that God asks of us in this scientific age.

(Edit: Please know that this was not written in bitterness. It’s not really that I question the existence of God, but more that I question his methods.)

I might even argue that it is the hardest thing to ask people to believe in. For once you believe that God does in fact exist, it is easy enough to believe that he would send a son to earth, love us, or even die for us. If he exists, he can be and do anything, he’s God after all. So if he exists of course he could send his son to earth, love us and die for us.

It is the solid, beyond a doubt, no way to deny it, proof of his existence that so often infuriates me (and I feel most likely other Christians as well.)

For if he exists, then he deserves our everything and it would be beyond foolish for anyone to not worship, trust, and follow hard after him. However, more often than not, we pray for days on end for God to move, and for all we can see, he doesn’t. Morning after morning, we ask for direct guidance from him and save for the very rare occasion when God chooses to use an audible voice or send down a fiery angel (neither an event which I have experienced personally), we receive no clear answer. Quiet time after quiet time, we pour diligently through scripture asking that it’s words might come alive to us, and usually we just look at it and scratch our heads and then figure out what seems to make logical sense to us, a conclusion that we probably could have come to on our own with out divine revelation from God.

And so I ask, like so many doubting Thomas’ before me, why oh Lord do you choose to work through natural means, why do you remain silent and distant even from the open and seeking heart? Why would you at most whisper at those you seek a deep relationship with, those who honestly are seeking that relationship as well?

It is enough to make those of lesser faith and lesser determination doubt your very existence, so why do you test those who remain faithful like this?

It’s infuriating.

What are your thoughts on the subject? What have you learned or seen that keeps your faith strong despite the silence?

I am not looking for logical, patented Sunday school answers here (I can recite those myself and more often than not, these answers are given to shut-up rather than cultivate or further the discussion and often don’t really satisfy the asker’s questions), I want you to wrestle with it deep down. I want you to ask yourself why you believe what you believe and why God seems so silent sometimes. If he wants a deep personal relationship with each of us, why doesn’t he speak up when we call out to him?

(I am sorry if it appears to some as if I am pushing people into doubt and disbelief, that is not my intent. I simply feel that unless you have asked yourself these questions honestly and struggled with them openly instead of shrugging them off or trivializing them, then I don’t think you can have a deep faith or a real profound trust and belief in God, let alone a relationship with him.)

The Walking Dead

November 16, 2010 at 3:50 am | Posted in Let's Talk Life... | Leave a comment

What do you do when you are stuck in a situation where despite your best efforts to stay positive, every day is an emotional and physical drain? Let’s say that the job isn’t even what you want to do. At what point is getting a pay check every month not enough of a reason to stay at a job? What do you do, when your boss routinely takes advantage of you and your skills and gives you nothing in return?

This is the situation I now find myself in. As you might imagine. I am often frustrated and find it very hard to get motivated at work. I’m not looking for excuses though, and I am not looking for pity. Was I at one point? Yes. Have I been depressed, frustrated and antisocial these last few months as a result? Definitely.

However, something changed this weekend. I went for a walk. This is something that I do on a fairly regular basis. I don’t do it for exercise, and a very rarely achieve anything of substance out of it. I walk to try to sort things out (Which rarely happens). I often pray while I’m walking, though my ADD nature often makes it difficult to stay on task and my mind often wonders (As it has right now).

Anyway, I was thinking about my job on this particular walk and the state that it had put me in. (For those that do not know, my job is not in the field I am passionate about and will not help me get where I want to go at all. Its just a job.) I determined while walking, that I was no longer going to allow my job to get me down. That I was not going to let my job define me. That I was going to inexhaustibly focus my efforts on achieving my goals outside of work.

Now when I went on this walk, it was the weekend. I had just had three days (I had Friday off as well) of hiatus from working at my job and was feeling rejuvenated and determined to have success with my new found optimism.

I set about creating this blog. I worked on the script I have been writing. I limited the time I waste on things that get me nowhere, and I took the time to wake up earlier Monday morning to pray and meditate (thus putting me in a better place to start the week.) I was all set to start the new me off with a bang!

I had not, however, counted on work. It’s like I completely forgot about it. The long weekend had blurred my memory to the depressive power that is my place of employment.

When I got in at 9:30, it started right away. I was bombarded with tasks that should have been above my pay grade, but fall to me, because there is no one above my pay grade in the media department. I slogged through the mess until lunch time (which I took late as a result of a meeting that went on too long) and then got a 30 minute reprieve (yes, even our lunches are ridiculously short). Then the afternoon came and I had to worry about a whole new set of problems before finally calling it a day at around 6:00 pm.

I hopped in my car to go home, and I realized that all of the negativity, all of the depression, all of the frustration that I had just spent all weekend defeating, was back with a vengeance. My best efforts were no match for the steady friction intent on my demise.

Which leads to this blog post. How do you separate yourself from work. How do find time for your passions in your spare time, when by the time you get off work at night, your job has sucked all the passion out of you?

As I got into my car to come home, I was reminded why I blindly surf the internet at night with a glazed over look. Why I turn on the TV and watch shows that I don’t even care about. Why I can’t be bothered to make dinner or clean my apartment. The job sucks the life out of me and when I get home, there’s nothing left to put towards my own work.

It is a frustrating place to be in, and I don’t have any answers, not yet. If I find some, I’ll definitely be sharing them. I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that things can not stay the way they are if I am going to move forward. If you are stuck in a similar position, I feel for you. I hope you can find your drive to achieve again. I hope you can separate yourself from your work. Because if not, if we let our jobs consume us, we are the walking dead.

 

Zombies

Don't let your job turn you into this!

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