The Walking Dead

November 16, 2010 at 3:50 am | Posted in Let's Talk Life... | Leave a comment

What do you do when you are stuck in a situation where despite your best efforts to stay positive, every day is an emotional and physical drain? Let’s say that the job isn’t even what you want to do. At what point is getting a pay check every month not enough of a reason to stay at a job? What do you do, when your boss routinely takes advantage of you and your skills and gives you nothing in return?

This is the situation I now find myself in. As you might imagine. I am often frustrated and find it very hard to get motivated at work. I’m not looking for excuses though, and I am not looking for pity. Was I at one point? Yes. Have I been depressed, frustrated and antisocial these last few months as a result? Definitely.

However, something changed this weekend. I went for a walk. This is something that I do on a fairly regular basis. I don’t do it for exercise, and a very rarely achieve anything of substance out of it. I walk to try to sort things out (Which rarely happens). I often pray while I’m walking, though my ADD nature often makes it difficult to stay on task and my mind often wonders (As it has right now).

Anyway, I was thinking about my job on this particular walk and the state that it had put me in. (For those that do not know, my job is not in the field I am passionate about and will not help me get where I want to go at all. Its just a job.) I determined while walking, that I was no longer going to allow my job to get me down. That I was not going to let my job define me. That I was going to inexhaustibly focus my efforts on achieving my goals outside of work.

Now when I went on this walk, it was the weekend. I had just had three days (I had Friday off as well) of hiatus from working at my job and was feeling rejuvenated and determined to have success with my new found optimism.

I set about creating this blog. I worked on the script I have been writing. I limited the time I waste on things that get me nowhere, and I took the time to wake up earlier Monday morning to pray and meditate (thus putting me in a better place to start the week.) I was all set to start the new me off with a bang!

I had not, however, counted on work. It’s like I completely forgot about it. The long weekend had blurred my memory to the depressive power that is my place of employment.

When I got in at 9:30, it started right away. I was bombarded with tasks that should have been above my pay grade, but fall to me, because there is no one above my pay grade in the media department. I slogged through the mess until lunch time (which I took late as a result of a meeting that went on too long) and then got a 30 minute reprieve (yes, even our lunches are ridiculously short). Then the afternoon came and I had to worry about a whole new set of problems before finally calling it a day at around 6:00 pm.

I hopped in my car to go home, and I realized that all of the negativity, all of the depression, all of the frustration that I had just spent all weekend defeating, was back with a vengeance. My best efforts were no match for the steady friction intent on my demise.

Which leads to this blog post. How do you separate yourself from work. How do find time for your passions in your spare time, when by the time you get off work at night, your job has sucked all the passion out of you?

As I got into my car to come home, I was reminded why I blindly surf the internet at night with a glazed over look. Why I turn on the TV and watch shows that I don’t even care about. Why I can’t be bothered to make dinner or clean my apartment. The job sucks the life out of me and when I get home, there’s nothing left to put towards my own work.

It is a frustrating place to be in, and I don’t have any answers, not yet. If I find some, I’ll definitely be sharing them. I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that things can not stay the way they are if I am going to move forward. If you are stuck in a similar position, I feel for you. I hope you can find your drive to achieve again. I hope you can separate yourself from your work. Because if not, if we let our jobs consume us, we are the walking dead.



Don't let your job turn you into this!


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